"i miss my best friend too... but i realize that we both had different goals and well we just aren't the same anymore we also had a problem with a guy and there went OUR relationship i miss her but im kind of glad were not together anymore cus i have a lot of things to do and i think i wouldn't have time for her"
"i miss all th times we had 2gether. i miss talkin on msn with you til' late @ nite, and takin random pics even when we look lik crap. I miss the messages u sent and calls that used to last 4 hours... i miss you so much. ):"
"i thot we were gonna last forever.... guess I was wrong?"
"it's time to move on and find new buds, I guess."
"Goodbye is never easy 2 say, but sometimes, you just hafta."
"me & this guy were together. i fought with my parents every nite bc of him. so i always went to my best friend. she was dating his cuz and she was always there for me. i went through hell being eith him & one day i told him maybe we sud just kinda be friends and see wut happens,one day i get a phone call from another really good friend saying that my other best friend was dating my ex pretty much.i cried non stop. i cud not believe it. it just sucks losing ur BEST friend and someone you loved..."
"i think most friendships end cuz of guys. it happened to ME. But... I still miss her"
"i jus want you to know that i miss you sooooo much. and that's all i need to say, i dont know if you might or might not read this comment one day but if you do i just want you to know that im wishing you a good life ahead, even if its without me... miss you lots."
~~~
I stared at the comments on the screen of my computer. Mindlessly, I found myself clicking on a video titled, "Losing Your Best Friend", and thus, here I was, more confused than ever.
What was I doing?
It's been three weeks since we've stopped talking to each other. No messages, no phone calls.
Nothing.
I still havn't made my decision. I think I'm going to lose my mind soon.
The end of the year was nearing and there was nothing to do in class. Nothing for me in school, and nothing for me at home either. I tried harder to run and hide, burying myself in books that I've reread trice, finally growing sick of them, and decided to distract myself with the computer.
Songs, videos, stories...
I could relate to them all.
Was it suppose to make me feel better? Knowing other people were going through the same thing, too?
If that was what it was suppose to be, I don't feel it. I actually felt worse. I felt even more confused.
It didn't help that majority of the commenters didn't seem to patch up with their friends again. Most of their best friends even abandoned them for either popularity or guys.
If I had asked her to choose, would Winter have left me for the guy? Or would she have chose me?
Honestly, I feared the answer.
I tried to shake it off, the confusion luring out a slight aching in my head.
I felt like screaming. I felt like I was being trapped, cornered into a wall. I felt so numb, so dizzy. Maybe I was sick. I knew I was sick of this.
I didn't know what to do! If I can't let it go, I'll suffocate under this burden.
I didn't even know she felt. Was she already over me? Or is she the same as me?
I don't know. I don't know anything, anymore.
When am I going to see your face again?
When can I hear your voice again?
When are we going to laugh together again?
When are we going to be able to touch each other again?
When are we going to be friends again?
Tell me! When are you going to answer me? Speak to me?
Come and tell me you're sorry. Come and tell me that I'm important to you.
Please tell me you still care.
Say something. Say anything!
I'm helpless. I'm desperate.
Please...?
....
....What am I doing now? Talking to myself? How come it seems so easy to say all the things that need to be said in my head, instead of sucking it all up and saying it to her?
I need to end this.
I needed to get closer. I want to know why exactly she isn't trying to contact me.
If not, I fear I might really lose my sanity.
So, I checked the one place that I've been trying to avoid; her blog.
And then, I suddenly wished that I had continued avoiding it.
