"Funny story, huh?" Meadow chortled spooning a scoop of her strawberry sundae into her mouth. I continued to stare on blankly out of the window, my chin propped up onto my palm.
I was watching the waves of people pass us by, but I wasn't focusing. My eyes were glazed over and I was lost in thought, mind shoved into outer space.
"Summer...? Hey, Summer? Summer!" Meadow repeated my name louder and louder, waving her hand furiously in front of my face.
"H-huh?" I said, lost. I blinked and looked at my friend in front of me, covering my mouth to stifle out a yawn. "Er... yeah. I'm listening..... mostly."
"LIAR!" Meadow accused, pointing at me and narrowing her eyes. "Come on, why are you yawning? Am I
that boring?"
I rolled my eyes and shook my head.
"Yes."
"What? H-hey!"
"...but that's not the case this time." I continued, stirring my glass of coke with my bendy straw. "I suppose it's lack of sleep."
"Lack of sleep?"
"Yeah..."
I placed the straw into my mouth and zipped my coke lazily, my eyes straying back to the strangers outside.
"Over what?" My incurious friend snorted, turning her attention back to to her dessert. "A boy?"
I almost chocked on my drink when I heard the word
'boy'.
Of all things, she had to mention the opposite sex.
She quirked an eyebrow at my behavior and I coughed a few times before shaking my head hard.
"NO!"
"Liar!"
"I am not!" I huffed in denial, kicking her leg swiftly under the table. "Of all things, why would I think of a worthless male? They're so not worth my time, anyway." I said snobbishly.
Uh-oh.
.... I realize that I may be turning slightly sexist."You're turning sexist, now?"
What? Did she read my thoughts?
"No, I am not!"
".... right. So why couldn't you sleep?"
That was a dumb question. And I've got an even stupider answer to reply with. Of course, I had been losing sleep thinking too much. Thinking of what, you ask? Thinking of something that I
shouldn't be thinking about.
Nothing more than a waste of time, contemplating things that were so blatantly obvious.
So why do I bother thinking about it?I paused for a while and played with my straw, avoiding her gaze.
"Computer addiction." I muttered weakly, forcing myself to stare at the plastic straw in my hands.
I heard a sigh. Meadow spooned more ice cream into her mouth and took her turn to stare outside of the window.
"You are a horrible liar." She muttered and I slowly looked up. I didn't say anything this time. I knew she knew. And maybe she knew me a little bit more than I gave her credit for.
"So you say." I replied softly and joined her to observe the outside.
It was Saturday and high school girls were rampaging through town by swarms, all giggling and chatting away without a care in the world. My eyes wandered to a single girl, texting away on her phone.
Meadow followed my gaze and piped up, "Hey, do you think she's texting her friend or boyfriend?"
"I don't know." I replied half-heartedly, swirling my drink again, creating a mini whirlpool in my cup.
"I think she's texting her best friend, no?"
I grimaced mentally and lowered my head. Emotions started to spill in again and I tried to suppress them, squinting hard at my cup.
"No. Probably her boyfriend or something."
"What makes you say so?"
"Look at her face. She's all smiles. It
must be a guy."
Meadow turned her head and glanced back at me, noticing my bitter tone.
"Summer..."
"Look," I nearly growled, motioning to the girl. A boy had appeared and they walked off together, arms linked like how a couple would do. "Told you it was a guy."
"Summer, I think, you're over-thinking this." Meadow said to me seriously, looking at me solidly.
I know.
I know I was over-thinking this. And I don't want to. I don't need to. But I
have to.
I couldn't run. I couldn't hide.
"Then what?" I asked, my voice raising. "Tell me, what can I do!" I asked, balling up my hands into tight fists. "I can't do anything more, can I? I screwed up. She screwed up.
WE screwed up. And if she doesn't want to fix it, I don't think I'd want to either."
The tension between us thickened and there was a small moment of silence.
"Have... Have you talked to her?"
"No. We havn't talked since that day. She doesn't bother, I suppose. If she did, she would have at least
asked about it."
But she didn't. I started it, and she obviously didn't want to finish it, does she? I'm not worth it, probably. I probably never did. And maybe I shouldn't waste my time talking to someone who doesn't care. I shouldn't waste
her time, either.
"...."
I twisted the straw in between my fingers and lowered my eyes once again.
"Meadow..." I murmured softly, slowly unclenching my hands, agression slipping away. "What do you think I should do?"
"Well..." She began, "What do you think you should do?"
"If I knew what to do, I wouldn't be here asking, would I?"
".... You have a point." She sighed, leaning back into her seat. She must be feeling agrivated. I usually don't act this way. I suppose, this really hit me hard in a way.
Especially when she didn't come after me. I felt very unimportant. So irrelevant.
It hurt.
It hurt like hell.
"Well... Right now, you can do two things. First, you can either try talking to her..."
"No." I interrupted abruptly. "I already told myself that I won't speak unless she does."
"So, the second thing you can do... well, the
only thing you can do is to
move on."
"I knew that too." I said, shaking my head again. "It's not as easy as it sounds."
"Try harder." Meadow urged, pushing her now empty bowl towards me. "It's just that simple; you either try to patch up or move along. Do you understand?"
We paid the bill and went out of the ice cream shop, finally dropping the subject. Eventually, the sun was starting to set and the sky was starting to turn a yellowish-orange, painting the heavens with the sunset.
We went our seperate ways and I headed for home, hands stuffed in pockets. Originally, I had oraganized the outing with Meadow to take some time off and try forgetting about it. Yet, I had no idea how we ended up
bumping into it.
I felt gripped again. As suspected, I was still shaken over the whole thing. I know, it was growing rapidly. The whole situation, which started out as something small, started to spread like a dangerous poison evident in my brain.
It was killing me slowly.
Meadow was right. She told me something that I knew I had to do, something that I was running away from all this while. I had two choices; Confront it or Move along.
And I also knew that both of them would be equally hard.
Confronting her is just... I don't know. I can't seem to do it. Am I a coward? Why am I running away in the first place? What was my reason for doing this? Running away from Winter? The one who was my friend, my sister, a part of me?
I don't want to run anymore. I'm tired.
I'm exhuasted both physically and mentally. I needed an escape.
I have to make a decision, quickly.
But, which one do I choose?
